I am a journal writer. I have been writing in a journal since age 11. This is mostly a blessing, especially when I need to “look back” and get clarity on a certain point in my life. The following pages were taken from Volumes 96A and 97 and span a period of roughly eight months, from the end of May to January. They not only represent my struggles, my pain and, for lack of a better word, stupidity, they also represent my courage and my never-ceasing battle to become a healthy person.
The journal begins on May 31, about four months after my relationship with “P” began and right at the point at which things subtly start to fall apart with he and I. The irony in this entry is well captured in one line: “And funnily enough P and I were saying to each other in the car ride over, “We will never, ever, ever, ever break up. Nothing will ever happen to us. We will never suffer or fight. We will always love one another…” From there it gives a rather fabulous (if I do say so myself) account of my withdrawal and an even more delightfully, insanity-filled account of the beginnings of my recovery. It is raw. Unedited. Vulnerable. It is sad. But also, filled with hope and courage.
Hopefully, it will help you in your own recovery.
Names, dates and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals, but otherwise, this journal is true account of my life as it happened prior to my full recovery. Remember to read up from the bottom.