I need you to love me.
I need you to be happy.
I need you to take out the trash.
I need you to feed the dog.
I need you to make love to me.
I need you to support me financially.
I need you to be nice to me.
I need you to pay more attention to me.
I need you to respect me.
I need you to stop lying.
I need you to love me more than you love her.
I need you to make a decision.
I need you…I need you…I need you…
Oh! The neediness.
So often, when we meet someone and then embark upon a relationship with them, we demand that our needs be met by this person. I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me: I have a right to be loved. I have a right to be respected. I am in a committed relationship, which means my partner should meet my needs.
All of those opinions and beliefs are true. You DO have a right to be loved. And you DO have a right to be respected. And you DO have a right to have your needs met in a commited relationship.
But you do NOT have the right to demand those things from someone who is unable or unwilling to give them to you.
A healthy relationship, believe it or not, is absent of NEED. When you both come to the table WHOLE, you are able to give love, respect, attention, and kindness freely to the point where you never feel as though you need to demand. Hollywood has us convinced that we’re not whole. That we need to find our second half. And then, we buy into the “You complete me” silliness. YOU ARE WHOLE and he should be WHOLE too. And when you find yourself begging for your needs to be met, that’s a pretty big sign that it’s probably not going to happen from this particular person.