Easy way out of love addiction?


Someone on the boards this morning wrote:

I wish there was an easy way “out” of the sadness/longing/”needing” but there isn’t.

But, there is.

There is an easy way out. In fact, letting go of all the pain and sadness is far easier than you think. It’s as simple as one tiny *belief.* Trouble is, we complicate things. We think to get from point A to point B takes years of struggle, chaos, long rambling journeys and mountain climbing. When in actuality, it usually takes us humans that long to arrive at something that was right in front of us all along. And what is it? What is this one tiny belief? It is this: it is the belief that YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN WHAT THIS SITUATION OFFERS. 

Poof. There it is. And it takes nothing more than a blink to arrive at that belief. It is the same belief you have within you that allows you to choose a nice car over a clunker; a pretty dress over a mediocre one, and a better piece of fruit in the produce aisle as opposed to one that is dented and bruised. And if you think there’s anything more to it, or years or learning, or a secret path known only by the illuminati, you’re wrong. It is accessible to each and every one of us. It’s right in front of our faces for the taking. 

And here’s the best part: when you deeply believe you are worth more than a particular situation, and your actions back up that belief, things start to look a whole lot different. If you believe you are the type of person that should not be shopping at Wal-Mart, but rather at Macy’s, then you most likely don’t shop at Wal-Mart. If you believe you are worth more than eating at a McDonald’s and that your body deserves better than that type of food, then chances are you eat at better restaurants with cleaner, healthier ingredients or you cook for yourself. If you believe you should have a better job than cleaning out bathrooms at a rest stop, then surely, you seek out a better job.

If this example sounds elitist, it’s because it is. It is the kind of mentality that separates the privildged from everyone else. They grew up believing they deserved better.Do they technically deserve better than anyone else? No. But they BELIEVE they do. And that belief is the driving force of all their actions. It drives them to choose better restaurants, better colleges, better jobs, better lovers, and better friends. Do they always “win” or never suffer? In the big scheme of things are they worth more than anyone else? No. They suffer like the rest of us. They lose like the rest of us. And they are no better or worse than the rest of us. But their belief in themselves is the one determining factor that sets them on a different path than someone who lacks belief in themselves. 

And while the Wal-Mart/Macy’s example of priviledge clearly requires money, our personal struggle with love addiction does not. We do not need a dime to BELIEVE we deserve more than the miserable place we put ourselves in. We do not need a penny to BELIEVE we have value. We can create that value from within. We can create value out of nothing more than a passing thought that we choose to hold on to and embrace.

So…when you look back at your relationships, or feel that this is all you’ve ever wanted or the only thing you’re capable of getting, the “easy way “out” of all that is to BELIEVE in yourself. To stop in your tracks and say, I AM BETTER THAN THIS SITUATION. The PoA is McDonald’s and I don’t eat there anymore. Why? Because I now BELIEVE that if I feed myself with better food, I will be healthier and stronger. Saying goodbye to McD’s, therefore, becomes an act of self love. Saying goodbye to the PoA becomes an act of self love.

And you, my friend, are a rare and beautiful gem. Not to be bet on during a hand of poker among a group of gambling fools. You belong in the hands of someone who recognizes your value. But, in order to place yourself in these caring hands, you must first recognize your value yourself. When you do, the longing for crumbs disappears. The sadness of that loss is replaced with a feeling of joy and accomplishment for choosing a healthier way. And the needing is met from within and from your interactions with real, substantial, healthy people that feed you, not just stuff you with empty calories. Not the junk you’ve been living off of for so long.

So, whenever you lose your way, remember WHY you are blocking this person from your life or trying to move on: Because you BELIEVE you deserve better. Because you BELIEVE you are worth more. This belief is your beacon. Let it guide you. It’s that easy.

 

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11 thoughts on “Easy way out of love addiction?

  1. Agreed. And still using the analogy of food, wouldn’t it also be like having food poisoning? Finding out that eating 5 day old cooked chicken, left out on the counter top in a heatwave is not good for you? Who would be that silly? But that’s what we do in Love Addiction. We settle for left overs, the guys that no one really wants; the ones who look the part but who aren’t atall healthy for us, because we are really so special, we can change them, make them better. For us, it will be different. You can cover that 10 day old chicken in garnish, mayonnaise, and Christmas decorations. But in reality, it could kill you.

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  2. I love this. I am just getting out if a relationship where I spent too much time thinking I deserved the way I was being treated. But I am done. It is time I got more. And the funny thing is…she is the very one who taught me I was worth something in the first place. It hurts. Like hell. But I’m ready to believe again.

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    1. Cabininthewoods…I find that often times its these people who give us a kick start into finding out who we really are, can ‘seem’ to hurt us the most. Getting kicked in the butt does hurt, but further down the line when your feeling better, you may even be grateful for the meeting…And you are SO worth the journey… 🙂

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  3. The one phrase, “I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS SITUATION OFFERS” made all the difference in my withdrawal to redirect my thoughts. It doesn’t change things, or quickly change feelings but it does something else: Helps you believe for the first time in your life, “I am worthy”. Print it out, write it down, use it as a mantra (like I do) or make a darn cake with it written on it!!! Because those cake crumbs will be far better than the “crumbs” you get through the PoA…I love these posts 🙂

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  4. l0velyjune, you are saving my life. i am so thankful for everything you are doing. almost two weeks ago i thought i was dying, but now it comes to me, that i was lucky that my avoidant boyfriend decided finally to break up with me. in the begining it was pure hell, but now i can call it my new life, waiting for me ahead. l0velyjune, you are helping alot, God wont gonna forget that 🙂 i wish you the best

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