Got withdrawals?


I wanted to comment on the idea of withdrawal, that horrible state, right after a break up where you feel like you’ve been ripped to shreds and beaten to a pulp. You can’t stop crying, you can’t focus, you can’t get up and go to work, you can’t eat, or maybe you’re eating everything in sight! WHatever the case, withdrawal is not pretty.

With anything  (food, alcohol, coffee, nicotine, drugs, love, sugar) our bodies react to things in a chemical way. When we repeatedly put a chemical like caffeine into our bodies and then suddenly remove it, Ouch! we withdrawal (obviously on a much smaller scale) and tend to incur the typical no-caffeine pounding headache. But, coffee aside,  the human body takes time to readapt to any new chemical state we put it in, and it especially takes time if it happened abruptly, as opposed to slowly, over time. Going “cold turkey” ain’t for the faint-hearted.

In love addiction recovery this is important to know. Too often going through withdrawal seems like a never-ending state of mystery, and so, what does the love addict do? He or she goes right back to the PoA to put out the flame and feel an immediate sense of calm. Of course, that sense of calm, brought on by “going back” to your drug of choice, is an illusion.

Instead, we need to know that withdrawal is temporary and we need to have patience with the “process” our bodies and minds need to go through. Love and the high we get from a PoA is also a chemical reaction and when it’s removed, our physical body and mental state need time to readapt to the withdrawal as well.

I know it’s hard, but this is the time to have patience with yourself. This is the time to wait. It’s incredibly hard for LAs to wait because we want immediate gratification. Like a child, we want what we want and we want it NOW. But adults understand the need to wait. They understand that deferred gratification brings joy. That blowing the pay check week to week gets us no where, but saving our money, offers security for those times of economic uncertainty.

Remember too that withdrawal is the first step in the process of HEALING. And that after it, comes a much more realistic, well-earned sense of calm and an ability to think more clearly.

So, wait. Hang on. Do whatever it takes to get through this. There’s a list of “Tips” here on this website that can help you.  More than anything, be patient with yourself. Don’t allow the “trick” of withdrawal to lead you to believe you will always feel this miserable. You will NOT. The body heals itself, but needs the time to do so….

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3 thoughts on “Got withdrawals?

  1. 6 months in recovery and happy to say that the pain of withdrawal is OVER!!! I found the first four months grueling but got through it with reading this blog daily, turning to myself for that love I was seeking and reminding myself, over and over, that this was a fantasy, “knock them off that pedestal” and climb on up there yourself!

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  2. Only 6 weeks into withdrawal and it still sucks but at least I can function now and am not in constant pain where I want to go to sleep and just not wake up. It is a fantasy but so powerful, cunning and baffling! Every time he tries to reconnect with me after telling me that he has lost love for me or that he must move on and I engage him or ignore him the ending is the same. He is not there emotionally period!! The only way to the other side is through the pain and discomfort. Everybody tells me how much better life is on the other side of withdrawal. Our world seems to revolve around love addiction/sex addiction. This is by far the HARDEST challenge I have ever been faced with and I know that when I make it through the stage of withdrawal I will never be the same person inside. Only by the grace of God do I not go back or create another scenario with someone else. If I can`t live inside myself where am I going to live? Outside myself, always needing someone or something? Need nothing, be part of everything. Work with what you have! Everything we go through becomes part of who we are. Stronger and more capable. So just live. Make mistakes. Never second guess who you are, where you have been and where you are going.

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