Why does he still call me but doesn’t love me?


If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.~Robert Fulghum

It was only when I put my suffering into perspective that I started to really recover. I learned that I was making myself suffer more than necessary. That in the big scheme of things, my love addiction was small. I was making it worse because I had no life. I had nothing to do. I didn’t believe in myself. I was afraid to live my life. I hid behind my suffering and bad relationships for years because underneath, I was scared to be me. We create chaos to balance out the loneliness in our lives.

S0, when you suffer and worry and wonder about someone else’s actions like, “why does he call when he says he doesn’t love me.”  or “Why does he come over to visit but then not want to sleep with me or be in a relationship?” you are creating chaos out of something you already clearly understand. You have acquaintances that call but don’t love you. Does everyone who calls you have to love you? You have co-workers, or people you know visit you from time to time, yes? Do they all want to sleep with you? No. When you witness this kind of behavior in others, you are clear about it.
We can accept wishy washy behavior for what it is in others, but as soon as it comes from the object of our desire, it’s confusing. It’s complicated. In reality, it’s not complicated at all.

Learn to remove the emotions from your situation and focus on what is LOGICALLY happening. Love addicts tend to push aside their logic and function solely on emotion.  Logically, what does it mean when some calls you or visits you, but doesn’t want anything more? It’s called a friendship. It’s called an interaction. No mystery.

More than anything, put yourself in the equation. Instead of trying to figure out what he or she wants from you, figure out what YOU want. What do YOU want? Do you want a wishy washy guy who doesn’t love you but tries to keep his foot in the door and call occasionally? If the answer is no, then take LOGICAL steps to move on. Wishy washiness is what you will get from this person. If you don’t like it and it hurts, leave. Not because HE says so, because YOU say so by way of knowing, LOGICALLY, what you want and going after it.

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