I am REALLY struggling this month with negative thoughts floating around in my head. I have been under a lot of pressure lately with work and kids and it just seems that my only outlet is to secretly bash everything and everyone in the private space between my ears. Thing is, it’s non-stop! “Who does she think she is?” “What a loser,” “I really hate when people are hypocrites,” “Who does that?!” “I can’t stand the way he does this,” “I think she’s jealous and bored and manipulative,” “I hate her,” “I hate him…”
It goes on and on. And then there’s the script that I play over and over where I am talking directly to the person I am angry with. I summon as many examples as I can to bolster my argument to put the other person in their place, shame them, yell at them, punish them.
I hate to say it, but lately, I am filled with so much hate and anger and I don’t know where it’s coming from.
It’s partly coming from being overworked and over stressed. From having too many people in my house and not enough adult time. Not enough quiet time. Alone time. I am angry that I can no longer control my environment.
Another part of it is coming from others who are stressed out as well and kinda taking their issues out on me. Because I am under so much stress myself, I don’t have a lot of positive force within me to handle it, so I fall apart much quicker. I snap more easily. My skin is not as thick.
And of course, because of all this extra stress, I have been sick for MONTHS. One cold after another. One doctor’s visit after another. I am so worn out!
The biggest problem is that I feel STUCK. I know that I have to force the negative thoughts out of my head. I know I have to give up control. I know I have to be grateful and see the beauty in things. But sometimes (now!) those affirmations and bits of advice just don’t work. Enter frustration. Not only am I dealing with negative thoughts, I am unable to resolve the problems that are causing the negative thoughts. Argh. My usual method of dealing with problems is to isolate and avoid everyone. But I can’t do that in a household of six people! So…there’s gotta be another way. In a TIME article, it says I should just “accept” my negative thoughts, and yet, they are not always about myself. They are about others. Judging, angry, hateful thoughts about how others have “wronged” me or hurt me in some way.
How do you deal with negative thoughts? DO you have any techniques to help deal with stopping the thoughts or changing your mind about something? PLease post your ideas! I’m in need 🙂 So, far, the only thing I am trying to do is drown out the negative thinking by listening to NPR, going to spin class (but I still think negative in class, at least until my body takes over) and I have been reading a book on Native American spirituality, which helps a bit.