To have and have not


Looking back, this entry was originally published in December 2008. I’m happy to relate that I really stuck to my goals and found someone who, after two years, still upholds every quality on this list. Don’t be afraid to demand these things of others. You deserve them, especially if you yourself have the same qualities.

Despite it being only two months that I am single, I am doing a little classifying as to what I will eventually- not yet, but eventually, be looking for as far as quality goes in any and all persons that I meet in my future. This includes women (as friends) as well. I think it’s important to at least start with a list that draws boundaries around the type of humanity I am seeking to associate myself with. Otherwise, I am subjected to my natural gravitation toward – as the lovely KVM once affectionally called them, “characters.” People like Eminem, Prince, Steve Tyler, Amy Winehouse and so on generally attract and fixate me. “Looks” and “drama” are great, but they cannot be the basis for normal and healthy. This is not a rigid list, mind you, it is fluid, somewhat adaptable. And it’s a start. Something I have denied myself during periods of soul searching. So…on that note:

MUST HAVES…

Intellect…

 

I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.

Emotionally Healthy…

 

I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else. This includes a certain maturity level.

Passionate…

 

I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.

Loyal…

 

I must have someone I can count on to always support me.

Communicator…

 

I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.

Emotionally Generous

 

I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love.

Affectionate…

 

I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection.

Conflict Resolver

 

I must have a partner who will work to resolve rather than win arguments or conflicts within our relationship.

Strong Character…

 

I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing.

Chemistry…

 

I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

 

 

CAN’T STANDS…

Fiscally Irresponsible

 

I can’t stand someone who is incapable of managing his money.

Anger…

 

I can’t stand someone who can’t manage his anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.

Lying…

 

I can’t stand someone who lies to anyone-especially to me.

Rude…

 

I can’t stand someone who is belittling, superior, impatient or hateful to people in any situation.

Extremely Shy…

 

I can’t stand someone who is so shy that they cannot open up and share with me.

Racist…

 

I can’t stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which they belong is superior to the rest of humanity.

Undependable…

 

I can’t stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.

Self-Centered…

 

I can’t stand someone whose main topic of conversation is himself.

Pessimism…

 

I can’t stand someone who always sees the glass as half empty.

Denial…

 

I can’t stand someone who is unable to accept blame or see fault in his own actions.

 

Addicted…

 

I can’t stand when someone has a dependency on drugs or alcohol to achieve an altered state of consciousness or to experience reality other than what it is. This is possibly the worst form of escapism and compulsion there is.  It interferes with true growth and renders an individual incapable of experiencing a true present and the emotion needed to have a healthy, mature relationship. See also: denial.

Disclaimer: i am talking about “dependency” not occasional enjoyment (of drinking, not drugs).

This list was appropriated from Persephone’s Obedience

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