We will negotiate
Hmmm…negotiation. How bad can it be if I’m dating an attorney who negotiates for a living?
Let’s see, since New Year’s Eve, (keep in mind I got my period that night and was cranky as heck), it’s been very peaceful between us- not that it wasn’t, but perhaps I should say, I have been peaceful. Just he and I and my kids have been together, and I have not spoken to him about my feelings from the other night- about his kids. I figured I’d wait until it’s really necessary to have that discussion. Instead, we talked about love addiction (go figure), and looked at open houses and just spent the weekend wandering around the cold and blustery city, watching the Eagles lose and eating spaghetti and meatballs on Sunday. MMMmmm.
I did, however, talk to my mother about this, as she went through something very similar in her second marriage. Her advice was “let him parent his children the way he wants to parent them–his way is not right or wrong, it’s his way and he has a choice as to how he wants to raise his kids. If this interferes with your own parenting, ask him to take a more active role in the dynamics of the children. And suggest that you can step in if you see one of his kids doing something wrong. Whatever the case may be, negotiate.” Thanks, Mom! I believe he will take this positively and we will work it out as he is a very involved parent and he’s very motivated to keep us all together
The big challenge comes in ten days. We are all booked for a five-day vacation down to Florida at his condo. The six of us together for five days straight. I love this man. I love my kids. I even like his. But five days in a tiny condo? Are we INSANE? Yes, I think we are. I did tell him last night that aside from being worried about crappy weather down there, I am mostly worried about the kids getting along and getting much needed alone-time if they need it. He said, “We will definitely work it out.” Let’s hope! I’m not too worried as he is definitely one to keep his word. I’ll let y’all know.
And how about this…after I cleared my head and no longer had period-moodiness, I realized I might be slightly jealous that I have to share him. That he is not 100% mine when his kids are around, and though I don’t have to parent his two and I have not taken on that extra burden, things certainly don’t run exactly as I’d like them to. I’ve been through the whole dealing with three-year-olds and five-year-old. I didn’t want to take that on again. Is that a control issue for me? Or simply just an immaturity on my part when it comes to sharing him and accepting him and all that comes with him? Something to think about.