Change


I want to be Real here, and yet, part of being realistic is putting things in perspective for y’all. Despite my “looping” thoughts and insecurities and sad moments, I am doing extremely well, all things considered. I think about S throughout the day, but not obsessively. I think about G throughout the day too, but not obsessively (possibly more so than S just because he’s been in my life for almost 4 years as opposed to S’s 8 months). But it occurred to me that part of expressing oneself here is expressing the positive side of recovery too. What you are benefiting from a break-up. 

So…on a positive note, here is what I am grateful for in my life DUE in part to the circumstances of the relationship ending:

1. i am no longer obsessing and nervous and wondering why someone doesn’t want to sleep over, or if someone’s up to something strange. wheph. Brain is mostly calm and peaceful.
2. I can go to bed ANYTIME I want. Nobody is calling late at night or early in the morning )
3. I can flirt and date anyone I choose (even though I’m not yet up for it!)
4. I’ve expanded my vocabulary. I am reading more. I am involved more with creative processes of my existence. 
5. I definitely enjoy that sense of feeling FREE. Despite loving S and loving him in my life…I really, really, really LOVE MY FREEDOM.
6. I don’t feel yucky things like “suspicion,” “mistrust,” “worry,” “doubt,” inferiority, discomfort etc.
7. I am happy to big rid of all the things I tolerated from him, but didn’t really like. Now I can find someone who doesn’t have those qualities….
8. I am getting to know me. I am taking my time. I am in no hurry to be any where or get any where. 
9. I am relaxed. 
10. And best of all…I am looking forward to my future. I am planning many things, working hard and being good to myself. 

I’m not sure I would have accomplished any of that if the break up didn’t happen.

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