bad day


Actually, i should say it hasn’t been a very good hour. The day hasn’t been all that bad. But then something in me twisted around and changed my thinking. I realized how much I depend on the attention of men for validation and comfort. The urge in me to start looking for that place to bury my head in the sand is creeping up on me….saying, the most comfortable, safest place to be is with a man. 

And so i go see my POA (I’ve gone almost every day, mind you, unless he calls me first) at the diner that he and his family own. And everyone there treats me like family and is sooooooo glad to see me again and they all say, you and G should get married, you’ve been together so long and you love each other…Of course this is silliness. And yet, it makes me feel good. It takes the pain away. 

Where else do i go to feel OK? Am i doing the right thing by visiting him and being comforted by him as long as we remain friends and I keep my boundaries up (no sex, no emotional involvement)? Aren’t we supposed to seek out the support of our friends when this kind of stuff happens? 

I know i am supposed to be handling this on my own. But sometimes i do need a friend– especially one i know loves me.

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