What do I mean by that? Well, would you expect a baby to talk? Of course not. Would you expect a fish to walk on two legs? Pure silliness. And yet, everyday, we expect avoidant people to be intimate and close, we expect people who clearly are not showing much interest in us to be interested, and we expect love from a source that is incapable of loving us.
When we look at people and accept them for who and what they are, it means giving up unrealistic expectations of them. For years I dated (or married!) men who were avoidant and the entire time I was in the relationship with them I expected them to be in love and attentive and treat me like men treat women in the movies. My expectations were so high that they were unrealistic. High expectations are bound to disappoint.
But I thought we were supposed to have high expectations of being treated well and good!?!?!
YES! We are supposed to have high expectations of being treated well and good—BUT FROM THE RIGHT PEOPLE. You cannot expect a man who has a track record of cheating on all his girlfriends to suddenly stop cheating once you’ve come along. Your expectations will never be met. But you can have high expectations for YOURSELF that you will not date men who cheat (and if you don’t find out until later into the relationship it means that you don’t stick around and demand they change; it means YOU LEAVE). See the difference.
Set high expectations of and for yourself, and expect them of people who can meet them. Otherwise, you are basically expecting the impossible.
How are your current expectations of others? Have they improved? Are you more accepting of others’ realities and who they really are? Or are you still expecting to fit a square peg into a round hole?