Monthly Archives: April 2008

Regenerate yourself today

Posted on by l0velyjune
4

Recovery is hard when we remain so mentally focused (obsessed) on our addiction. Take a break today! It will truly regenerate you. 

Here are a few distractions/sentiments to help you stay happy and mentally free today:

40 Tips for a Better Life

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It
is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the
following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’

5. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer.
They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food
that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild
Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new
and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires,
issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade
away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like
a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In
five years, will this matter?’

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. GOD heals almost everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following
statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you
certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through
life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Forgive yourself.

Does not calling him feel UNNATURAL?

Posted on by l0velyjune
3

Something i learned and wanted to pass on:

Since my recovery has begun I have noticed a strange phenomenon. Some of my new behavior patterns do not feel comfortable or natural. They feel plain old odd. And i can tell i want to revert back to the old way of doing things. But then I realized, OF COURSE THEY FEEL ODD AND WEIRD! I am a love addict. I have adopted negative patterns of behavior and bad ways of doing things. Even though my habits are bad and not good for me, they are comfortable and familiar and because I have been acting out in negative ways for so long, it feels NATURAL to me to do so. 

Changing behavior from bad to good– even though it’s in a good direction– will feel unnatural until you keep repeating the good behavior and VALUE it. 

Example: my normal behavior pattern is to go running back to G for comfort, even though i am in a current relationship. I might have a problem that i think cannot be resolved in my current relationship so i immediately think to run away and go back to G. I will get drama and support from G immediately. I know this. And it feels good. Of course, after a month of his being super cool and nice, all will revert back to me being avoided and neglected. And I’ll be miserable again.

My not-so-normal behavior is to accept the wash of emotions that come over me when I am confused or insecure about my new relationship, to write them down and wait them out and to take some time off from seeing my new bf so that i can calm myself and understand what’s going on. This taking time off, even if only for one day, feels VERY strange to me. HOWEVER, it is much healthier than the alternative. 

So…my point is…recovery will feel a little strange at times. Not calling G will feel WEIRD, like i’m not solving my problems. But that’s a trick of junkie thinking. Do not give up! The more you keep repeating good patterns of behavior, the more you are able to erase old, outmoded, destructive ones!

Assessing Recovery

Posted on by l0velyjune
Reply

I constantly find the need to assess and reassess where I am in recovery, if at all. It helps put perspective on how far I’ve come and how far I’ve yet to go (setting goals). So….for now, I feel as though I have–
1. realized I cannot stay in a one-sided relationship & that my relationship to my addiction was, for lack of a better word, BAD.
2. tackled the necessary break up
3. Gone through withdrawal (for the most part, though I still have “cravings”)
4. Spent time alone getting to know myself and working a recovery program DILIGENTLY
5. Met someone new that does not trigger any of my addictive behavior and that does fit the definition of a “good, healthy choice.” (He does, however, still trigger my fear of intimacy and commitment, but I am FINALLY AWARE OF THIS)
6. Have set VALUES for myself, or rather, have become aware of my values and have decided to stick to them and NOT give them up for a man.
7. Have integrated all this new, good stuff into my life and am using it in my new relationship. 

Where do i still need to be? (GOALS)

1. I still need to work on my boundaries. 
2. I still have trouble saying NO (when he asks me if he can come over for a visit I can’t seem to refuse even if I’m not up for it).
3. I still need to stop being AFRAID of or feeling disgust towards boredom, or rather LACK OF DRAMA.
4. I need to maintain personality boundaries and not BECOME who I am dating. I.e. I need to have my OWN identity and be proud of that identity. 
5. I need to stop over-analyzing things.
6. I need to have my own life and not allow the relationship or him to take over my life and become the ONLY thing in my life worth living for… (i.e. I need to work on paying attention to my kids, my house, my hobbies, my reading and writing & my job).

Sight~Step 1

Posted on by l0velyjune
Reply

There is NO WAY that i can take credit for all my recovery here. At best, I am responsible for only a small fraction of the work– mainly integrating it all and taking action. 

My recovery has been slightly different from others here, in that I began, believe it or not, on a quit smoking program online (quitnet.com). I learned through quitting my addiction to cigarettes that the same tenets can and should be applied to all other aspects of my life:

love yourself- you are all you’ve got
take care of your body- it’s a temple
do not pollute yourself or the environment- you are your own ecosystem & your friends and family breathe in YOUR air
etc. etc. 

I realized that this same learning needed to be applied and adapted to fit another side of my life where I was not practicing “self-love,” i.e. my relationship to G. 

Also, I came across a website that had a chart and description of the “love addict-avoidant” relationship and it SHOCKED ME to see it so plain as day (http://healthymind.com/s-relationships.html). That was me and G. And i didn’t want it anymore. 

I read, searched, researched, practiced the art of backing up my “values” with action, started to stand up for myself and learned two very important things:

1. Love is simple. Only two things are needed: you need to love the person and he needs to love you back with the same kindness and enthusiasm that you love him

2. Seeking out men that are like my father is no longer a healthy choice. I had NO choice when i was given my dad. But i DO have a choice now in looking for someone i want to be with.

I am currently learning that “drama” does not need to exist to be in love or have a healthy relationship. In fact, drama is mostly bad. It causes disrupt and pain. I am too old for that. But i still have to learn to accept “stable” people in my life. The extreme highs and lows are no longer something i can deal with.